Dignity

So my dad asks “does one have to give up all his dignity at the end of his life?” No, not all I tell him but some I think given his condition and his options. “That’s just terrible” he says with tears coming down his cheeks. “Just terrible.” He couldn’t be more right. After more than 93 years of living independently, 63 of which he was married to my mom, the independence is gone. Not coming back. Growing more dependent each week. On his four kids and, much more frightening to him, on three women who stay with him at home around the clock. He’s desperately searching for some alternative, almost every waking hour and right now those waking hours number about twenty a day. That’s a whole lot of time to think. I guess there is no perfect option he repeats. Right again.

My dad has always been a proud man, bent on advising and taking care of others even when the advice and aid are not always wanted. The tide has gone out. It’s low tide for my dad and no high tide is ever returning. So sad to watch.

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4 Responses to Dignity

  1. really sad, honey …. but perhaps he’s simply heading for another shore. i like to think of it that way. and he’s had a great run of it … with so much to be proud of! xoxoxo b

  2. dearrosie says:

    Hi Larry,
    I’m a blogging buddy of Betty’s, and found you via her blog. I cried when I read this post. One thing’s for sure, old age isn’t for sissies.

    My Mom passed away in July, aged 95. The last time I visited her – shortly before she died – I felt the pain you described in your post. Every time my mother needed to “go” it took my sister and I about ten minutes to help her off the wheelchair onto the toilet, and every time my mother turned to us and said, “Did I ever think this would happen to me…?” It broke my heart.

    • petrelwords says:

      Hi Rosie, thanks for finding me. Betty is in Nyaka as I suspect you know and from the sounds of her email, she will fnd it awful hard to leave. She has not been able to post due to internet issues, but when she does, watch out!

  3. Meredith says:

    Seeing our folks go thru such a difficult ‘change of life’ is even harder, now that we’re older and facing the possibility in our lives. How to make it more tolerable…? Thank you for sharing the pain of seeing this take place and the pain of not having a better way to ease it for our loved ones.

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